There's No Business Like Show Business Like No Business I Know

I'm a lucky guy. 

I work in show biz!!!!

"There's no business like no business like show business like no business I know.
Everything about it is appealing!
Everything about it is a show!"

I spent my day today putting together scenery, assembling props, and generally being useful at 30 Rock for NBC, primarily for Saturday Night Live.  I watched Kelly Clarkson soundcheck her spot on SNL ---- and I got paid for it. 

I often think about how hard I've worked to get here.  You know, it's been worth it and I would do it again in a minute.  I have no regrets.

But I know what prices I've paid...

I work when there's work, as many hours as I'm called to do.  

I go through periods of unemployment, simply because that is the nature of the business.  Feast or famine.

But I get to be involved in the world I dreamed about when I was a kid.  And I like it that way.

Sure, I do other things --- but all of them are in the business of show.. 

I direct (whenever I can), I act (rarely) and I write (more and more).  I teach (acting)

I also exercise daily ---- which I love intensely. 

But ONLY when I am working in show business do I feel that I am useful --- and it's been that way since I was 13, from the day I decided I would get involved with this world of work I love so much..

If you feel the way I do, you will find your way into the artform.  I guarantee  it.  Your life might not look like the one you fantasized about when you were a kid but you will find your way.  (Lord knows, mine is nothing like what I intended --- but it's a good life and I am proud of having come as far as I have).

Part of why I enjoy my life now is that I worked very hard when I was younger to prepare myself for this time of my life.  I know how to do the things I wanted to do; act, direct, teach.  Granted, everything is an evolving process ---- but I put in the hours, days, weeks, years to earn my place at the table.

New Beginnings...

Who else to welcome in the New Year?

I took a prolonged break from this blog.  I felt overwhelmed by the technology, the concept of social networking, and while I was going through the process of getting married I didn't want to share my thoughts and feelings across the web.  I actually do believe some things are private, such as ones home life.

I am back.





For the coming year I have several resolutions:

1. To teach acting
2. To live simply
3. To save money
4. To exercise consistently

Beyond these simple goals (which in private I have concretized --- because without specifics, there can be no success).

I will writing here about my personal journey as both a person and an artist....two roads that are inseparable.  I welcome your comments and feedback.  Let's build a community of like-minded people, dedicated to living well and making beautiful things.

The Body Never Lies...

The body never lies.

We sweat. We fart. We shake. We orgasm. The bile rises in our mouths. We cry and we smile.

The only way we can miss the truth of our humanity is to ignore what is right in front of our face. What is called "non-verbal communication" is really just paying attention to what's before you.

When I think over all the relationships I've had in my life, both physical and not I'm struck by the fact that the most successful ones all started from me looking the other person dead in the eyes and telling the truth about what I saw --- and them telling me the truth right back.

I mean, we're basically animals, right? Aren't we?

Well, not exactly I think.
After all, success comes from telling the truth. An animal can't lie. Only humans have that special skill. Sure, an animal can stalk or lie in wait --- but it can't lie. Not like a person. Tell you one thing but do another.

I once had a woman in my life who said she loved me. She was distant, cold, and rude. She didn't laugh at my jokes. She winced at how loud I was. After the initial attraction faded, she was repulsed by my smell and I was infuriated by her manner. We both lied to each other that we had a future together --- but our bodies t0ld the truth. We weren't meant for each other, more than that we probably wanted to hurt each other.

My big take-away from this five year matriculation in the school of the blind is that I have to follow my gut and that I accomplish that by looking at what's in front of my face and checking in with myself about what I see.

So I say follow your gut. Don't waste five years of your life like I did trying to fit a round peg into a square hole.

Death, Attitude, and LIfe

When you've got to go, you've got to go....

I've been thinking about death. Alot.

I think this comes from getting on the dark side of 40. My parents are aging, all around me senseless events seems to invade the lives of many people whom I care about. Death, violence, accident. Sometimes people die from these events, sometimes not. Always I feel the brush of what's coming.

While I can't control death, I can control my attitude toward it.

When I was a little boy, I was afraid of death. Like many children, I was afraid of the dark and all that it implies. I outgrew that point of view when I understood that the world existed beyond me, that everything I see is real, not simply a stage set constructed for my pleasure and edification. Since then, while not exactly happy about the idea of death --- I want to be here a good long time; there's great stuff to do; barbecues, sex, sunsets, hanging out with my nieces, music, theater, the list is endless --- I somehow have come to understand that my ceasing to exist as I am is not a tragedy of epic proportions.

I've come to feel that death is a process to be faced with humanity and compassion. I need, for my self-respect and the comfort of those I love, to be brave as I approach the dark.

I also know from my minimal dealings with the dying that there comes a point when the soul lets go. I saw it with my grandmother. I remember the moment; she chose to leave, to let go. Where she went is, your guess is as good as mine.

I once had a friend (who is now dead and gone) who said "life is for the living". I try to stick to this maxim to the best of my ability. I feel I didn't begin to fully live until I hit my early 40's. It feels of critical importance to me that I love the remaining time I have left. Since what comes next is a mystery, I stay focused on the now.

None of these thoughts are new to me. What is so striking to me is how similar all our thoughts are when we are faced with the ultimate unknown, "the undiscovered country" to coin a phrase.

YARD SALE FOR THE SOUL....

Knowing what to sell, what to give, and what to keep....

This weekend I was out at my mother's house on Long Island helping her with a Yard Sale. You all know yard sales, of course; endless lines and piles of used stuff that you don't need but are tempted to buy simply because it's there. Goldfish bowls, golf clubs, Ray Mancini Sings The Blues records and God knows what else, all there lying in wait to suck your wallet dry.

I had never really thought about what it means to the person running the yard sale to get rid of all this stuff.

For my mother, and by extension me, it was the beginning of major change.

As my parents age, they are looking to sell their home, move back into the City, downsize, and simplify their lives. This sale of endless tchotckeys was the beginning of this movement to a new life for them.

My parent's lives are changing.

Buddha wrote that nothing is permanent, that the ultimate illusion is stability. I remember feeling the truth of this when I was with my mother on her last day in the apartment I grew up in on the Upper West Side of Manhattan prior to she and my father's moving out to Long Island. All around us the movers and workmen were quickly and efficiently removing any trace of the life we all led in that place for the prior thirty years. My mother asked me if I was upset. I started to cry but something inside of me stopped and I answered:

"No, it's just a place. A place we loved, but just a place."

That moment stays with me. I can never quite get as attached to people, places or things as I used to. I know it's all going to end, myself included ---- and somehow, that's not a bad thought. Of course, this clarity comes and goes. Like the rest of us, I'm human. I just feel lucky to have this sense of distance at least sometimes present in my life.

And you? These are big thoughts, particularly when you're talking about a yard sale...but then again, we get what we pay for ---- and we all pay, one way or another. What do you think?

Changes....

"Time to face the strange ch-ch-changes..." --- David Bowie

At this stage of the game in my life I am yet again beset by the need to change.

I have bursitis in my left foot.

That might not seem like such a crisis. But for me it means I need to figure out yet again how to sustain myself within the world of show business and theater. You see, I spent the last 12 years of my life making the bulk of my living from working as an IATSE Local 1 stagehand. While I work for other possibilities (I direct plays and teach acting ---- and made half my living doing that work last year) my bread and butter has been stagehanding. Now with my foot on the fritz, I am forced to rethink how to live (I don't believe in survival anymore; we're put here to live and enjoy life, not suffer it.)

Needing to shift is not new to me; I am an actor who went to Wall Street who went back to theater as a stage manager who became an arts administrator who became a stagehand who went back to school to get an MFA in Directing who then taught high school in Baltimore City who then came back to NYC and began to direct plays and teach acting. But I never get used to it.

So here I am at a crossroads. It's exciting. It's scary. It's life.

I wonder about you...How have you changed? What gets you through uncertain times?