New Beginnings...

Who else to welcome in the New Year?

I took a prolonged break from this blog.  I felt overwhelmed by the technology, the concept of social networking, and while I was going through the process of getting married I didn't want to share my thoughts and feelings across the web.  I actually do believe some things are private, such as ones home life.

I am back.





For the coming year I have several resolutions:

1. To teach acting
2. To live simply
3. To save money
4. To exercise consistently

Beyond these simple goals (which in private I have concretized --- because without specifics, there can be no success).

I will writing here about my personal journey as both a person and an artist....two roads that are inseparable.  I welcome your comments and feedback.  Let's build a community of like-minded people, dedicated to living well and making beautiful things.

Death, Attitude, and LIfe

When you've got to go, you've got to go....

I've been thinking about death. Alot.

I think this comes from getting on the dark side of 40. My parents are aging, all around me senseless events seems to invade the lives of many people whom I care about. Death, violence, accident. Sometimes people die from these events, sometimes not. Always I feel the brush of what's coming.

While I can't control death, I can control my attitude toward it.

When I was a little boy, I was afraid of death. Like many children, I was afraid of the dark and all that it implies. I outgrew that point of view when I understood that the world existed beyond me, that everything I see is real, not simply a stage set constructed for my pleasure and edification. Since then, while not exactly happy about the idea of death --- I want to be here a good long time; there's great stuff to do; barbecues, sex, sunsets, hanging out with my nieces, music, theater, the list is endless --- I somehow have come to understand that my ceasing to exist as I am is not a tragedy of epic proportions.

I've come to feel that death is a process to be faced with humanity and compassion. I need, for my self-respect and the comfort of those I love, to be brave as I approach the dark.

I also know from my minimal dealings with the dying that there comes a point when the soul lets go. I saw it with my grandmother. I remember the moment; she chose to leave, to let go. Where she went is, your guess is as good as mine.

I once had a friend (who is now dead and gone) who said "life is for the living". I try to stick to this maxim to the best of my ability. I feel I didn't begin to fully live until I hit my early 40's. It feels of critical importance to me that I love the remaining time I have left. Since what comes next is a mystery, I stay focused on the now.

None of these thoughts are new to me. What is so striking to me is how similar all our thoughts are when we are faced with the ultimate unknown, "the undiscovered country" to coin a phrase.

LOOKING FOR WORK
Ours is not to reason why....

I've been looking for work my entire working life. That's right, over thirty years. Since I was 15. The first job I had was washing the windows of the stores on the Upper West Side, near where I grew up. I think I got a dollar a window, big money if you add up how many windows you can do in an afternoon (and you're a fifteen year old kid in 1979). I loved it and held that gig for several years.

I had a job as a busboy in a deli on West 57th street the same year. Cleaning, mopping, doing dishes. I didn't like that much --- not because of the work but because it was steady. I had to be in the same place, the same hours week after week. I lasted two months.

I'm a freelance person by training and temperament. I've always loved hunting for the next gig, show, experience. When I was younger this attitude extended to my dealings with the opposite sex. I am much more settled now when it comes to my dealings with women (one woman, getting remarried, life is MUCH simpler that way) but I'm still a rover in my work life --- and I like it that way.

Of course working in theater, where there is little consistency and few long-term jobs, help with staying freelance. At this stay of the game I am probably ready to go to work on a daily basis.

But who knows? Possibly I will work this way for the rest of my professional bouncing from job to job. I know that I love the challenge of making something where there was nothing before.

What about you? What's your style? What do you prefer?

I don't have a job...

And that's not really a problem for me.

That's a surprise, huh?

During the current economic crisis, I have followed the emotional ups and downs of many of my fellow Americans as they've lost their jobs, seen their livelihoods vanish, and suffer the effects of dislocating economic change --- and it's made me thank my lucky stars I've worked in the professional theater for most of my entire life.

With US unemployment hovering around 9.2% I see the pain of economic uncertainty on every face and voice I hear on the news. We're at a tipping point as a nation; we can no longer expect secure jobs that last a lifetime nor certain retirement the way we used to.

For myself, I never really expected to have one job for my entire working life. I knew from the time I was sixteen, I was going to go from "gig to gig". I'd get too bored (I am marrying a woman who is exactly the same way.) So I direct, act, write, teach, stagehand (less now of course because of the foot), do home improvements, do presentation coaching, and anything else that pays real American money. Some times are flusher than others. Right now, it's an uncertain transition --- but I know in the end all will work out.

My biggest work love is, however, making my theater company RAISED SPIRITS THEATER COMPANY fly. Please check us out.

And you? As always, I wonder what works for you? I want to know

Changes....

"Time to face the strange ch-ch-changes..." --- David Bowie

At this stage of the game in my life I am yet again beset by the need to change.

I have bursitis in my left foot.

That might not seem like such a crisis. But for me it means I need to figure out yet again how to sustain myself within the world of show business and theater. You see, I spent the last 12 years of my life making the bulk of my living from working as an IATSE Local 1 stagehand. While I work for other possibilities (I direct plays and teach acting ---- and made half my living doing that work last year) my bread and butter has been stagehanding. Now with my foot on the fritz, I am forced to rethink how to live (I don't believe in survival anymore; we're put here to live and enjoy life, not suffer it.)

Needing to shift is not new to me; I am an actor who went to Wall Street who went back to theater as a stage manager who became an arts administrator who became a stagehand who went back to school to get an MFA in Directing who then taught high school in Baltimore City who then came back to NYC and began to direct plays and teach acting. But I never get used to it.

So here I am at a crossroads. It's exciting. It's scary. It's life.

I wonder about you...How have you changed? What gets you through uncertain times?